Along the lines of Crazy Thing #37, Dani Johnson and I completed two crazy things when we were out at the beach by the airport. The first was the portrait (#37) and the second was to let her do whatever she wanted with me for interesting pictures. Not necessarily pictures that made me look good, but interesting photos. She could do whatever she wanted and I wouldn’t complain. I have a bit of a reputation as a slight (understatement) control freak and I am pretty skilled at controlling how I’m seen – or at least living under the illusion that I do. Even for the portrait / head shot, I knew it had to be outside, I knew the colours I wanted to wear and the type of photo I wanted it to be.
Out in the world I am somewhat stubborn when it comes to not being seen exactly how I’d like to be seen. See Crazy thing #19 (Drive home in my pajamas) – this was mortifying. Having to sit still while Dani picked how I would be portrayed made me want to scream.
So I knew I had to just give up control and be seen. Now, I trust Dani and giving control over to her was a bit easier than it would be to a stranger.
The results are interesting. Not the photos, I love the photos, buy my reactions to them. Oh sure, I have the reaction that most of us would have – still have some weight to lose, my hair looks stupid, my glasses magnify the lines around my eyes… blah blah blah. After I got over those reactions, or at least parked them in a different part of my brain, I started to see some other things – things I liked. I look like someone who likes to laugh, is strong, smart, and maybe a bit of a geek. I like the intensity of my focus, they way I notice small and simple things. I like the fact that I’m serious and quiet at times. This was the surprise to me in this exercise. I saw things I liked and Dani and her camera saw them too.
I’ve included four of the pictures here. There are lots, and there are lots I like. I think these ones caught different parts of me.
Why was this crazy?
I had to park the controlling part of my brain and let myself be controlled.
Would I do it again?
Under the right circumstances.